Everyone always says how the beginning of a relationship is the most fun part; getting to know someone’s “likes,” “dislikes,” their quirks and ideals. Honestly, that’s my biggest hurdle when trying to jump into the dating scene. I have talked myself out of so many potential dates and girlfriends because a single iota of an unbalanced chemistry is enough to send me the other way. When it comes to having a lady that’s going to be around a lot and someone I’m going to have to be emotionally cognizant of (I can ignore my roommate, I can’t ignore my girlfriend), there are sure fire signs that prove, “this isn’t going to work.” I’m very aware of those signs and stick to them like a creed; my life is already jam packed as it is with wonderful, sustainable habits and routines that make me exceptionally happy and comfortable. But it’s been so long that I’ve been on a date or been really serious about a new flame, that when the opportunity strikes and a girl approaches who doesn’t have any deal breakers, I’m still having a hard time taking the plunge in “getting to know her.”
It’s funny. In grade school, 8th grade, to be exact, I sang a duet with my then-girlfriend in a random school production. I was the bare-chested king from “The King & I” and my girlfriend was Anna. We sang “Getting To Know You.” And back then, I meant every word of that song. Even one of my teachers pulled me aside and said, “It was beautiful watching you two sing that; I can just see it in both of your eyes and faces that you deeply love one another.” Yet now I’m definitely more like Liz Lemon from “30 Rock” and can’t wait to pinpoint a girl’s shortcomings so I can say, “Deal breaker!” and move on. I want a girlfriend, I really do. I miss having someone to text “goodnight,” or someone I can count on to give me a backrub or watch a movie with. But that “getting to know you” part is just so… blech. Aside from finding the deal breakers, I find it obnoxious. It’s like how Louie C.K. mentions, “I’m 40 and I made a new friend– you don’t do that when you’re 40!” Granted, I’m only 21, but I share the same antipathy towards it. How many times over the course of my life have I had the same discussion with new friends about movies I love, music I love, video games I love, blah blah blah BLAH. I’m sick of those conversations and really wish I could just… know a body. I wish I could skip past all the pleasantries and decide face to face, “So, is this going to work?” I hate bullshitting at parties; why have a conversation with someone you’re yelling at over loud music and drunken banter when that person is NOT going to care about you the next day? Maybe I’m just a curmudgeon and don’t deserve love or new friends if this is how I’m going to treat the matter… But I promise I’d be the best boyfriend to anyone who meets my high, discriminating standards.
Having said that, I’m in a tough state of existence. There’s this girl I… know. I don’t like her… Well, I do like her. She’s cute, she’s friendly, and she’s certainly pleasant towards me. So I like her. But I don’t like her, if you catch my drift. I don’t know her. But I’ve encountered her enough times where there’s nothing that deters me from wanting to know more about her. Yet after so long of being out of the game and moving past girls left and right, I find myself hesitating to take my infatuation any further. Despite seeming like a totally sweet girl deserving of my attention, I can’t find it in me to take the plunge in getting to know her because that part sounds so boring and painful. I know– I’m unworthy. Hence why I can’t bring myself to just ask her on a date because I’m afraid of the potential future consequences. God forbid I fall in love, right? But what if I find that deal breaker and just… break her heart? I don’t want to do that! But that’s dating for you, yes? Fact of life…?
All I really know is that I would love to have a specific kind of time machine. The one that fast forwards your dating life; one that lets you see if the girl you just laid eyes on could have a good future with you. Life is too precious, my time not expendable. Yet if I want to find love the way I say I do, it’s about time I got over my neurotic nature and took some risks. To get that backrub I crave I need to sink some coffee and stories into that investment and hope I make a profit in the end.
I’m not keen on dating in the 21st century. But I gotta play the game if I plan to win at all. Or maybe I can just keep losing… That mind set is easy to abide by.
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